eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
