can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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