I'm gonna have a badass scar
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Randomize
