yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
