i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
