my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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