I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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