Cold hands, warm shart.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
