he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
