3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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