I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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