1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
