You're a womanizer and a bitch.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize