so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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