Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
