Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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