Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
