Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
