As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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