WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
