im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
