Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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