Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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