Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
