On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
