so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
