The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
