I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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