goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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