you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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