And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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