I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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