You're completely useless in the revolution.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
