apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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