My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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