I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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