fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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