i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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