i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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