I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
