thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
