He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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