I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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