I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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