i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
