i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
