Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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