Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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