I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
