She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
