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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
