Slut skills are useful in every country.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
