somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
