I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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