to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
