I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
