Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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