I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
