Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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