I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
