I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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