Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have demons in me.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
