lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
