Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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