My Higher Power is John Stamos
it was like eating out sand paper
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize