He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
