do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
NoShamevember. You game?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
