so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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