I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
