i permit you to call me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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