Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
