ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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