hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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