Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
