I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think your dad took our porno
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
