someone threw a dead crab at me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
