got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
