There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
