how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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