u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
