mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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