I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
