totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
