i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
