FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
