We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
