I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
